Playing Not to Lose
Fear protects the lead. Vulnerability pursues the win.
As I watched England play after taking an early 1-0 lead over Argentina in the World Cup semifinals the other day, I began thinking less about soccer and more about leadership. England had taken the advantage in the match—in fact, for the whole tournament—by playing aggressively. They attacked, took chances, and trusted the style of play that had brought them so far. Then something changed. Rather than continuing to press as they had for the first 50 minutes or so of the match, they gradually retreated. They became more cautious, more defensive, and more concerned with protecting the lead they had. Argentina sensed the shift. Momentum swung in their favor, and at the end of the match England found itself on the wrong end of a 2-1 defeat. The sports world is littered with stories of teams that snatched defeat from the jaws of victory by playing not to lose. As a lifelong Notre Dame football fan, I’ve witnessed my share.
This is exactly what happens too often in leadership. Success often changes a leader’s mindset. Instead of asking, “How do we get better?” they begin asking, “How do we avoid screwing this up?” The focus quietly shifts from opportunity to preservation, from purpose to protection. Leaders become reluctant to delegate because something might go wrong. They avoid difficult conversations because they might create conflict. Innovation gives way to maintaining the status quo. On the surface these decisions might appear prudent. In reality, they are often rooted in fear.
That is where vulnerability enters the picture. In my book Large and In Charge No More—A Journey to Vulnerable Leadership, I define vulnerability not as weakness or oversharing, but as empathy and self-awareness put into action. Vulnerable leaders understand that growth requires exposure. Every meaningful decision carries risk. Every honest conversation opens the possibility of disagreement. Every act of trust means surrendering a measure of control. Just as an attacking soccer team exposes itself to counterattacks, leaders who empower others, encourage dissent, and seek answers to things unclear to them expose themselves as well. But that exposure is not recklessness—it is courage.
Ironically, playing not to lose often produces the very outcome we are trying to avoid. Fear narrows our thinking. We become reactive instead of proactive. We surrender initiative. Clever opponents and competitors sense this and seize the momentum while we cling to the illusion of safety. History, business, sports, and military campaigns all teach the same lesson: organizations rarely thrive when their primary objective becomes avoiding mistakes. They thrive when leaders remain committed to their purpose, even when facing uncertainty.
That’s the lesson from England’s defeat. Vulnerability is not about exposing our emotions for their own sake. It is about having the courage to keep playing our game after we’ve taken the lead. It is choosing confidence over caution, purpose over fear, and growth over mere preservation. Whether on a soccer pitch, in a boardroom, or within our own organizations, the question is the same: Are we playing to win, or are we simply playing not to lose? The answer may determine the final score.